Connection through vulnerability?
Matthew Wong said in 2018 about Vincent van Gogh "I see myself in him. In the impossibility of belonging anywhere in this world".
I also feel alone in who I am, from a young age, different, with a deep experience of all my senses, searching for connection, the disappointment in people, the disappointment in myself. My religious upbringing in a strict sectarian religion has left deep formative traces and is partly the origin of low self-esteem, depression and many struggles in life.
At the age of 39 I decided to choose for myself and follow the long-cherished dream of an art education. My preference lies with abstract art, think of Karel Appel's wild emotionally charged impasto painting style, but in my own work, too much of what I actually wanted to tell, remained hidden in the abstract works. Due to the challenge of a teacher at the Academy, I started to make my deepest feelings more visible by introducing more symbolism and figuration. I have always had great admiration for Frida Kahlo, her vulnerability, perseverance and passion. Just before I started at the Academy, the work of Jean-Michel Basquiat came my way, which touched me right in my heart like I had never been touched by paintings before. It was as if he understood my inner struggle. I felt less alone. Their vulnerability, pain and very personal stories are a huge inspiration for me to continue and eventually dare to share more and more of my own story.
Because of my turbulent life and therefore physical limitation, it is of the utmost importance for me to experience complete freedom in painting. I am very adventurous and like to use different materials and techniques. My curiosity wants to discover and develop more, experiment and try things out. My limitation gives me a feeling of not having enough time, which makes me somewhat impatient. I use color from raw emotion and work intuitive and expressive. I prefer to apply the paint straight from the tube and see later what the color does and whether anything else is needed. Oil paint is easier to work with than acrylic, but there is no time to lose! It has to be fast and it has to be now! My biggest challenge is to find a balance in which everything comes together. A somewhat accessible image that speaks for itself without being explicit.
Ultimately, I hope to offer connection and comfort, just like Kahlo and Basquiat, just as they did for me. In vulnerability you find deep meaning and connection. We are not alone in our deepest emotions! We achieve connection by seeing ourselves in the other.